The Awkward Dad

This summer I took about 8-10 weeks away from work to be a full-time dad. It was a benefit that my job allowed and over all it was great but there were a few areas that changed my perspective of fatherhood (and motherhood).

First, let me say it was a great experience that I had with my kids that I really wouldn’t trade for the world. I mean we were able to do a ton during the summer that I wouldn’t have been able to do other without a considerable amount of added stress. We went to state fairs, amusement parks, zoos, farms, horseback riding pools and beaches. Hell, we even upped the ante for how many times we would go to the park in one week. All of that was 1:2 daddy and sons time. 

I was able to build a particular bond with them that I don’t think I would have been able to at such a young age. It all sounds great, right? But not everything is so positive. 

After that time off I inevitably had to return to work. Please understand, that I love my job. Like really love it. But returning to work was dreadful. It wasn’t because of work, though it was because I kept on thinking about the boys. How are they eating? How are they doing at school? I mean found my self unable to concentrate at work because of my thoughts about the kids. 

Some would say that this is normal, but for me I don’t think it was. Since they were born, I was always able to compartmentalize the different parts of my life. I was able to part from the kids and not think about them until I got home. And then be at home and not think about work. But now everything is merging and it is causing me stress. I thought over time the feelings would fade but even after having been back to work for two months, I am things are consistently bad. 

So now I am just that awkward dad — unsure of what hat to do. I’ll give it some more time to see if things get better. If not though I may need to talk to someone other than myself about. Stay tuned.